JUDGMENT DAY ---- ARE WE THERE YET??

“JUDGMENT DAY!! ARE WE THERE YET?”

Every semester all engineering students of the VTU, or most other universities too, write a set of absolutely demoralizing, disgusting, senseless, and totally screwing papers, most of them on subjects they do not want to study in the first place. When lecturers in the class ask students whether they have any clue as to the objective of studying any particular topic, the prototypical and unanimous answer is because it is included in the syllabus, it is time the people in charge realized that we don’t like doing this, our exams DO NOT give us a high, we are not the sort of people who take exams as the next challenge and strive passionately towards the next victory, as soon as we finish one exam, we DO NOT look forward to writing the next one.
Yes I know most companies claim something as cheesy as the above mentioned statements to be their aims or goals or philosophies, or whatever; I picked it up from a few company brochures.
Exams never have, and never will be fun, they are universally NOT seen as challenges, nor as obstacles we have to get across, neither I am sure will they ever be.
It is against the principles of a true student to follow such absurd, insane and in some cases damaging philosophies; it ruins the fun of college life, the devastating impact it has on the minds of the few unfortunate victims of this tragic and extremely traumatic condition is sometimes irreversible, and the poor soul will have to suffer the pains of a pure unadulterated life.
Spare your thoughts for this extreme misery of a few, the ongoing battles of whom quite often affect the lives of those few normal unaffected people they happen to cross, in their presence, socially necessary character enhancing activities like MASS BUNKING, (for further details with regards to this topic, kindly wait for my next piece) become very hard to do without making the biggest ruckus and somehow hustling them out of class. (Again for further details kindly wait for a more detailed work on the aforesaid topic)
This piece of work however is not about those unfortunate few, nor is it on the drudgery the other normal people around them have to face, mmmmmmm, well it is in a way a drudgery everyone else faces, these few people (also known in some forms of lingo as nerds or geeks) do not really feel the pangs of pain as much as the others do, they are very strangely immune to it, or at least feel the effects of this lesser then others do.
This article was started with a fact concerning exams; this article however deals with something much graver, and something everyone (else) speaks of, as a rule in a very grim, sober, unsmiling, ominous manner, I am sure that everybody in life at some time or the other would have done some exam bad, (yes even them geeks) and the stretch of time, they really come out twitchy as a ferret, is when it nears judgment day.
No no no, I don’t mean the end of the world or something (well frankly sometimes, I’d rather have the end of the world) but I am talking about the all unimportant, inauspicious day the results inevitably come out.
Yes that ugly day, the day you want to say fundoo hindi dialogues like “he bhagwan!, mai ye din dekhne ke pehle mar kyu nahi gaya”
The ungainly day that keeps fun at bay for quite sometime indeed.
However the day does not come unannounced, it does not elude pomp, it follows a string of events that are quite a laugh for most people, (at least sadistic bastards like me really get a kick, cheap fun of course, but don’t tell me you wouldn’t enjoy it once a semester)

With close proximity to judgment day, people change, more like their fears finally manifest upon them this gives pranksters like me a lot of prospects to purvey jests to the rest of the world, hehehehehe hhhhhmmmmmmmmmm…… (Sadistic grin)
How does one have fun with close proximity to judgment day you ask me, here’s what you do -
(a) First make sure you are sitting behind a row of girls in class (when it comes to girls for anything, always pretty ones are the preferred choice of the experts)
(b)Make sure that there’s relative silence in the class, not pin drop silence, but silence of maybe a few decibels above that (p.s. – if this is unattainable as sometimes is, you could still proceed with the next steps, but you might not get effective results)
© Wait till roughly half the class is over
(d) Now gently call the girl nearest to you (or the prettiest one) and in a low voice, tell her that you just got a message on your mobile, proclaiming that results are out
(e) Also to spice it up garnish it with instantly made up tidbits of information like “apparently only 22% have passed CO” or something else to that order
(f) Sit back and enjoy the show, ideal add-ons would be useless bits of information like I got just 59% (with an extremely grave face)
The looks of horror on the faces of those poor little chicks would be totally worth it.

Some people would be of the opinion that girls, having spent most of their time studying, would not really react as aforementioned, but let me assure you gents that contrary to your popular opinion, one must understand that most girls are freaked by the occurrence of something which can go horribly wrong, and we all know that results fall bang in the middle of that category.
Trust me with this one; I’m a PhD in human psychology.
WHAT??!! I really am.
..
………….

Oh ok alright I’m not,
Humph ……….
But please don’t tell the chicks, coz most of them think I am, and it’s kinda cool to be a PhD in human psychology for a while.

Oh! Ah yes, after having given you clear cut instructions that a five year old can follow (please do not ask me from where you can get a five year old, given the right materials, it would take me roughly 6 years to provide you with one, oh! Alright just for you 5 and three fourth’s a year, maybe a day more) I feel it incumbent on me to warn you of the futility of trying this plot over and over again, once maximally capitalized upon, the results are not quite the same upon retracing the steps
Unfortunately yes that’s true, I’m trying to find a way around it, but please don’t pressurize me.
The reason for the catch mentioned above becomes evident after reading the following story


There once was this dude called peter, or wait I think it was david, no no that’s the goliath guy, hmmmmmmm……… I think it was joseph, no might be roger, m not really sure, well pardon me for the slip in memory, but temporarily, let’s call him Balveera reddy (name inspired from the current vice chancellor of VTU, the very prestigious university I study in, I think it stands for Very Though to Understand, or is it Very Tight Underwear, well must be one of the two, might be something else too m not really sure)
So this dude, this balveera reddy guy, has a job of taking care of a lot of dogs, or was it cats, dunno, lets just call them engineering student’s for the present, he thought that his job was very boring, he wanted to do something extremely crazy, so he took to tormenting all his students by announcing results at all the wrong times, I very distinctly remember a good Friday not being so good for many, he had a fetish of shouting out “results are out! Results are out!!” on every festive occasion possible, the whole staging was accompanied by a tribal insanity jig, usually in the nude, this used to cause quite a scare initially and many people used to come rushing out to see (no people never came rushing to see him do his jig in the nude, it was considered to be a bad omen) they came rushing out to see if the results are out (much like all the villagers who used to run to the aid of the Shepard who used to shout “wolf! Wolf!!” for no reason)
People initially were concerned, but as time went by, they stopped rushing to see the results, (much like the villagers stopped going to the aid of the Shepard dude eventually) they all took a very lethargic attitude and started asking “Are we there yet?” referring to the instant of time the results would be out, in other words judgment day.

The above mentioned story or narrative if you please, would definitely be highly illuminating to many, if however you did not gain any knowledge, and still don’t understand why the trick can’t be done more then once, it’s still ok, I said “The reason for the catch mentioned above becomes evident after reading the following story” kindly notice the Italicized word.

So now that you’ve read the story, the reason you can’t do it again and again is because people get bored, and much like the “engineering student’s” mentioned in the story, people feel really pissed upon, they feel messed up by the extremely frugal scheme of distributing marks among the student folk (it’s like all the evaluators are keeping it for themselves), they do not like to be forced to listen either to cheap dumb tricks or to cheap dumb classes.
So it would be my sincere advice to all who want to follow in my footsteps to not try this more then 2-3 times, and to instead keep your head completely idle, and hope the lazy devil in your mind, takes to working in his workshop, and try doing something else.

All this however leads to the crucial moment when you see your results; the real crux however arrives when you have to show your results at home.
And yes you might play all the tricks you like, but the bottom-line, is that all results will be announced, it’s unavoidable.

On the eve of judgment day, let me give all my friends and foes some advice

Results are never good, if they’re good, then someone is playing a prank on you, but that’s okay, life is more then just the marks you get, it’s all about the effort u put (yeah I know that’s cheesy, and forgive me if you are offended by such profanities)
None of the people you ask as to when the results will be out actually know when they will be out, but just want to say something to scare you, if they say stuff like it’s put up on the website, go and conform it before you believe it, or if you are too lazy to do that, just pass the word on to some pretty girl, watch the color drain out of her, and then wait till she confirms, also wait till she thanks you for telling her, strangely enough they thank you for that
It’s time I signed off now; my results are expected to be out soon

“JUDGMENT DAY!! ARE WE THERE YET?”






p.s. – if you are among the few who get good marks, and if none of the above mentioned events make any sense to you, if all these concepts are alien to you ………
PLZ GET YOURSELF A LIFE !!!
N STAY OUT OF MINE!!!!!U @@$*^#**&*&*(@&#

ya you know it's me