Dance Dance Revolution

DDR

Okay, before I forget, I think its best to give the credit due to the others who’ve had a major part to play in this one of a kind revolution. Yes unselfish as I am, I think it’s best to point out that there were two co-conspirators with me in the monumental movement that will needless to say sweep the nation maybe even the globe. Further I suspect when man perfects the warp drive and makes contact with the myriad of intelligent species that thrive in the many realms of the universe, the said revolution will conquer the new worlds seamlessly.
Ah there I go shooting off on a tangent right into space; I hope you understand I did not want to make the mistake of underemphasizing the importance of such a revolution. So before I get lost into the abyss of space again, I would give 50% credit to Bharat Choragudi. The remaining credit is shared between me, Vodka and tequila in ratios that I’m unable to discern with certainty.

Those of you that are familiar with the works of one Mr. R. Peters would by now having seen the title jump to the conclusion that the chinks’ve finally run amok with their obsessions and have now converted me into one of them. Don’t worry; yours truly does not have yellow fever.

I was recently on a very serious super official business meet. And if any of you have ever been on one of these, then you know that there generally is that pain in the ass dance party to be put up with; and unless you have the faithful companionship of Messrs Vodka and tequila you know that you don’t know what the hell you’re supposed to be doing there in the middle of people busy in the search of their marbles [ladies you’re exempt from this bit (not just because of the marbles metaphor)]. So what do you do in such situations? How do you come out of it looking respectable without being aloof and distant from the dance floor?

Well that’s what Bharat, Vodka, Tequila and I have solved. By translating a bunch of complex moves to easy actions followed by most in a normal workaday life, we can help you get on that dance floor and dazzle one and all. Well at least you won’t look like a complete clot. This really is a revolution I tell you, proof of this is the fact that Bharat and me ended up spending the whole evening not just dancing with girls (pretty to a degree), but even teaching them how to dance. Now all of my 2.5 avid readers know that on the dance floor I’m probably the most ungainly thing (except of course the fat, 40+, drunk lady); and in an exceptionally charitable mood I must say that Bharat would qualify just short of an eyesore. I realize as I write this that it probably isn’t the most positive way to qualify the founders of the DDR, so I’m going to rephrase that –

I am the second best of the ungainly things on an average dance floor (beaten by a whisker by the old, fat, drunk lady)

Bharat is the best thing on a dance floor that’s not an eyesore.

P.S. – charity is a good institution to be a part of, you apparently get tax relief

So as I was saying, there’s finally a way to score (or at least not humiliate yourself) on the dance floor, and we’re bringing it to you soon. As of now the members who are the brainchild of this revolution are working on getting some supermodels to take part in our video tutorials which would help you learn easily. So if you’re a supermodel and are reading this, what are you waiting for, send me a few of your profile pics and your phone number (on a more charitable note – get a life); this is your one chance to be part of something much larger then you could ever imagine. Please give us some time to get back to you as it takes us some time to sort through the mountains of applicants.

We’ve already received a couple of offers from people who wish to take a large chunk of credit for promoting the obviously self-sustaining revolution. We are yet to decide on whether we should hire them when we already have ‘we’ll work for no cost’ Samaritans.

As for the rest of you who would have to wait for the video tutorials to come out and take the globe over, I’ll leave you with a few suggestions of what do to if you find yourself on a dance floor without the slightest of where you’re supposed to look for your marbles –

1) Truck driver – this is one of the classics. Pretend to be a truck driver steering his huge steering. If you do it right, this is generally a safe move to stick to.

2) Chakki Piecing – a move immortalized by veeru in the movie sholay. Again this is a safe move that anybody with a little practice can pull off on a dance floor without looking like a klutz

3) Gooaalllll – pretend to be one of those footballers who has just scored a goal and is doing one of those celebrations where he pretends he’s flying. (actually you could just pretend to be a plane that’s flying). This move if done slow enough works well when typical Punjabi songs are playing. Actually if you pay attention to the antics displayed by footballers after having scored, you could easily load up your Arsenal with more moves.

4) Point to the stars – again one of the classic I’m a paralytic guy who cant dance moves. It’s the predecessor to the 5) fly the kite move.

There are like a gazillion more moves like that, I’m just a little too lazy to type all right now, I’ll furbish you with more moves from time to time. The video tutorials however might come on a insignificant monetary investment I’m afraid, depends on how hot our supermodel is.